Today, I have no main topic. No beautiful message you will receive upon reading this. No, today I just have a heavy heart and a lot of things to say. I have no idea what this post will end up being about, but I’m going with it. You know those days when your brain is just overflowing with thoughts and you just need to let it out? Well I thought I might as well make this into a blog post. Well, if I even end up posting this. This is more or less just for me to be able to organize my thoughts. However, usually when I need to just organize my thoughts, I speak out loud to God. Today, I’ve done that four times and somehow I still feel like I have no idea whats going on.
I believe that God gives you your greatest gifts when you least expect them. That sounds so cliche, but its true. He is with you at every moment, watching out for things that He knows that you need.
Today, while talking to God on my way to Target after school, I realized that God rescued me when I didn’t even ask Him to, when I didn’t even want Him to. I was given the amazing gift of God’s unconditional, eternal love and of His salvation without me even asking for His help. Some will say that I was saved, but I like the word “rescued” better. After realizing what an absolutely amazing gift I was given without even asking, I had a sudden realization, an “epiphany”, if you will. I thought “Who am I to ask for things from God, when He knows far better what I need?” My begging and whining to God will not speed up the plans that He has for me. Who am I to ask for things when I was given the most beautiful gift already, without even asking for it. This is proof that God gives to us when he knows we are ready and knows when we need it, whatever “it” may be.
I’ve been having an anxious feeling in my chest the past couple of days. I find that speaking out loud to God and listening to John Coltrane and Miles Davis are the only things that soothe me. I also find it increasingly harder for me to talk to God without crying. Today, I was 4 for 4. I am a weenie, but a weenie so in love with God.
I am so amazed that we have a Father who takes care of His children in all times. “I am not skilled to understand what God has willed, what God has planned.” I know nothing compared to what He does. How can I fear when He knows EVERYTHING? He has had every single detail of my life planned out since before I was born. “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you; I appointed you a prophet to the nations.” Jeremiah 1:5
I just read over this post and I noticed that it doesn’t really make much sense. I don’t even care that much though. I needed to write this down even if nobody reads this. Thank you for spending a little bit of your day, or night, with me. God bless