No Makeup for a WEEK?!

To some people, this probably seems stupid and I know that not everyone will think me putting down the makeup for a full seven days is that big of a deal, but it is for me. I have been wearing makeup for 8 years. What started out as just fun and something to do slowly became something to hide behind, almost like I was addicted. Again, this may sound so stupid and overly dramatic to some people but I began to feel like I couldn’t leave my house and go anywhere without at least foundation on. I had become 100% reliant on makeup.

This week, starting on Friday, October 13, I will start my week of no makeup!! I look forward to this for several reasons: One being saving time in the morning!! But more importantly, I hope to see the beauty that God has given me and only that beauty, not beauty that I have painted on. I also hope to give my skin a break and let it breathe!

I don’t want this to seem like I am bashing makeup and saying that no one should wear it, because I do love makeup, but today I realized that I’m not only putting on makeup in the morning because I love to, I’m doing it because I feel like I have to. I hope that by the end of this week I can learn to rely less on makeup to feel beautiful and just appreciate my outward beauty in the way that God intended me to.

I will be posting a follow-up to this post at the end of the week and see if it changed my ideas on makeup at all. I encourage you all to join me this week, if you want to, and put the makeup brushes down. I’ve made some challenges for myself to really make myself commit this week and I will share them below:

Challenge 1: Wear a cute outfit, but still go barefaced. I often think that I can’t look put together if my face isn’t made up as well. This week I hope to shatter that belief.

Challenge 2: Post at least one selfie on Instagram or Twitter with no!! makeup!! This is the scariest part of this whole thing for me. I am so extremely hypercritical of any pictures that I post of myself and the thought of posting one with no makeup actually terrifies me. So, of course, I’m making myself post one.

Challenge 3: Go somewhere in public (besides school) at least four times with no makeup on. Again, SCARY!!!!

Challenge 4: Don’t say anything about the challenge when meeting with people for the first time. Nothing like “Oh, I usually look better than this” or “I’m just not wearing makeup for the week, but I usually do.”

Challenge 5: In general, try and reduce the amount of negative thoughts about myself. I am 100% my worst critic and I need to practice more self-love when I’m not wearing makeup. I have gotten to the point where I can look in the mirror (when I’m wearing a full face of makeup) and like what I see and appreciate my beauty – but I really want to be able to think those positive thoughts about myself with no makeup on, too.

 

Again, I will be updating throughout the week on my twitter and posting a follow-up post on next Friday. I’m excited for this challenge and I’m hoping I don’t hate myself for this in a few days… haha. If you take part in this, please let me know on twitter!!! I will need all the support I can get.

Thank you for spending a little bit of your day, or night, with me! xoxo

Advertisements
No Makeup for a WEEK?!

Be Patient, Don’t Settle, & Other Things

I tend to write about topics when I need the advice myself. This week I need to remind myself when my future husband is in my life, I will know… so that is what I’m writing on this week.

I have been praying for my future husband for almost ten years now. This might sound crazy, but I know some things about him already and I don’t even know if I’ve met him or not. I feel that God has told me that this man will be a man of God, he will be a man that brings me closer to God and puts his relationship with God above his relationship with me. I know that my future husband will relentlessly pursue me from the beginning and I will never have to wonder whether he is interested in me or not. The man I am supposed to marry will not play games or string me along. He will make his efforts known and will ask me on dates and call them dates. The man I am supposed to marry will be direct, make definite plans, and will take an interest in not only me but my friends and family as well. He will respect my boundaries and will have his own boundaries, too. I know these facts to be true and I will not settle for anything less.

I used to think “Oh this is nice and all but this guy is just too good to be true. No guy is like that anymore…” but I’ve been praying on this lately and I know that this man is out there. This man is praying for me just as I have been praying for him. I have no doubt in my mind that this man is out there. The devil put those negative thoughts in my head and I almost believed them. I almost settled for less than I know that I deserve, but prayer got me through that!

I always told myself that when the right man comes along, it will be easy and joyful and there will be no anxiety and I believe that to be true as well. When I meet the man of my dreams, the man that I have been praying for, and the man that God has made for me, he will be my rock. He will be my constant. No matter what is going on in my life at the moment, he will be my guide. Sound familiar?

The relationship between you and your significant other should resemble your relationship with God. 1 Corinthians 11:3 states “But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.” and Ephesians 5:22-28, lengthy but worth the read, states “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself.”

A true godly relationship comes along when two people are so focused on God that He gives them each other. Focus on God and He will give you the desires of your heart. Nothing is instant, for God teaches us patience through answered prayers, so trust in Him always. Your blessing is coming. Be patient.

Thank you for spending a little bit of your day, or night, with me. As always, if you have anything to add or comment on, shoot me a DM on twitter or leave a comment right here! I also want to add that if you have any topics or anything else that you want me to write about or if you need some advice in any way, you can always DM me on twitter and I will be glad to answer you to the best of my abilities! So much love to all of you!! xoxo

 

Be Patient, Don’t Settle, & Other Things

Being a Modern & Biblical Woman

Many aspects go into being a woman of God. It is difficult to say without being considered “regressive” or even offensive, but women were simply created by God to be different than men. I do not mean to say that women cannot to what men do and be successful, but I am saying that women and men both have different strengths in general, and instead of pushing these differences away to become “equal” to men, we should also remember to celebrate what makes us different from men.

Genesis 2:18 says “The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone, I will make him a helper suitable for him.”” We are called to be helpers, to aid the people around us and especially the people we love. Titus 2:4-5 says “Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.” We, as women, are called to do these things because we were created by God for these specific jobs. 

I can see how this is coming off a bit anti-feminist, and that is not my intention. Men are perfectly capable of doing work that is stereotypical of a woman, and vise versa. I am really just relaying the message. Many people may disagree with what I’m saying here, but I don’t think that there is anything wrong with celebrating what makes women different from men. We are designed to do these things, and that shouldn’t be looked down upon or pitied.

1 Peter 3:3-5 states “Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.” If it says, so blatantly, that a gentle and quiet spirit is of great worth to God, then why is it so rare to celebrate such things today? Women who are gentle and quiet are told to “speak up” or be more “assertive”, as I have been told before as well. 

The bible also calls us, including men, to be pure. I think we can all gather what “pure” means in these terms. 1 Corinthians 6:18 tells us to “Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.” and Titus 2:5 calls young women “to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.” I’ve spoken on purity before, but it only makes sense to mention the topic again in this post as well. I find it so odd that people have strayed so far from what really used to be the norm – waiting for sex until marriage. In today’s society, anyone who has chosen abstinence is considered a “prude” but personally, I would rather be thought of as a prude by people here on Earth than to be thought of as promiscuous by God. We must ask ourselves – whose opinion really matters here? This brings me to another point mentioned in Titus 2:5, we, as young women, are to be taught to be “self-controlled” this goes along with the purity. We, women AND MEN, should practice self-control through many trials in our lives and one way to do that is abstinence.

In closing, the Bible gives us women some pretty specific and easy to follow guidelines – if you will – on how to be a woman worthy of God. Proverbs 31 shows us the traits of a worthy woman:

“An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life. She looks for wool and flax and works with her hands in delight. She is like merchant ships; she brings her food from afar. She rises also while it is still night and gives food to her household and portions to her maidens. She considers a field and buys it; from her earnings she plants a vineyard. She girds herself with strength and makes her arms strong. She senses that her gain is good; her lamp does not go out at night. She stretches out her hands to the distaff, and her hands grasp the spindle. She extends her hand to the poor, and she stretches out her hands to the needy. She is not afraid of the snow for her household are clothed with scarlet. She makes coverings for herself; her clothing is fine linen and purple. Her husband is known in the gates, when he sits among the elders of the land. She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies belts to the tradesmen. Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she smiles at the future. She opens her mouth in wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. She looks well to the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and bless her; her husband also, and he praises her, saying “Many daughters have done nobly, but you excel them all.” Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised. Give her the product of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates.”

It just seems silly to me that any woman who knows of this passage could strive to be any less than a Proverbs 31 woman. Before closing, I want to write briefly about each point that is in bold in the above text.

  • For her worth is far above jewels. A woman who is “excellent” as mentioned in the text, is worth more to her husband than any riches or any jewels. A woman who meets all criteria of a Proverbs 31 woman is an excellent wife in God’s eyes.
  • She extends her hand to the poor, and she stretches out her hands to the needy. This is something that we all, men and women, strive to be more like. Pretty self-explanatory, just help out more, basically. Look for ways you can help the less fortunate around you. We all could stand to do more of this.
  • Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she smiles at the future. Everyone and their mother loves this part. This verse calls us, as women, to be strong, to have dignity and self-respect, and to look to the future with happiness because we trust in God wholeheartedly.
  • She opens her mouth in wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.  This very well might be my favorite little part from this whole section. We should use our wisdom before opening our mouths (I interpret this as thinking before you speak, that sort of thing). It goes on to say “teaching of kindness is on her tongue” I take this to mean that whatever is coming out of our mouths should teach kindness in one way or another. This is something that we all struggle with, and we all should work towards letting only kind words cross our lips. Think Thumper from “Bambi” Image result for thumper bambi if you can't say something nice
  • Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised. We should not be so concerned about our physical appearances, but more concerned with the relationship that we have with God. A woman who does these things shall be praised.

That’s all I got this week, y’all. Its long and wordy, but I hope that it was worth the time to read. Thank you so much for spending a little bit of your day, or night, with me.

 

 

Being a Modern & Biblical Woman

Dealing With Panic Attacks

Before I jump into this today, I just want to say that I had a completely different blog post written and ready to be posted but I felt called to write about and share this instead. This post is pretty personal, but I hope it helps someone.

I have been diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) since I was 14 years old. At that time I was also diagnosed with major depressive disorder as well, but that’s a whole other story. I have without a doubt gotten better, especially with the depression, but the anxiety has always kind of lingered around. I have mild anxiety over small situations almost daily, but because I’ve had it for so long, I know how to manage and control it. However, panic attacks are a totally different story.

Even though I had pretty severe anxiety during my early-mid teen years, I had never had a true panic attack. I had had a few anxiety attacks, but never had experienced true panic before. Panic attacks became a recurring thing for me during my late teens.  Sometimes something can just upset me in the smallest way and can cause me to go into a full-blown panic attack, and sometimes they come on for no apparent reason at all. Now, I am able to recognize the sure signs of an oncoming panic attack. For me, the first step is a tightness in my chest. This is a very specific tightness/pain that I only feel when I am about to have an attack. This pain can last for an hour or just a few seconds before the second step, hyperventilating. I hyperventilate and can’t catch my breath for a while. This is also usually when I start profusely crying and half-screaming. (I don’t really know what it is that I say, but I know I say something and whatever it is, its pretty loud, especially for me.) I also want to add that during a panic attack, I know logically that I am fine, this will pass, etc., but there is also another part of me that is like screaming that I am going to die. I’ll tell you what, its pretty confusing. After hyperventilating has begun, the tingling/numbness starts not long after at all. I’m pretty sure the tingling starts on my head, then my fingers, then toes, then I’m not sure after that. I’m not sure if this sounds totally mild to you all or like way out of control and crazy because I’m not the best at describing things. I can say, though, that panic attacks are very frightening. They are the scariest thing that has ever happened to me and I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy. My last attack was a little over a week ago and it also was the first time that I was alone during an attack, making it that much scarier. This caused me to swear off caffeine because it could work to trigger these attacks, making them more and more frequent. Therefore, its been ten days since I’ve had a cup of coffee and I was drinking at least one cup almost everyday for four years. This is hard, y’all.

I have yet to find a surefire cure to stop the panic attack when I feel it coming on. I have tried prayer, reading, just closing my eyes and trying to take myself out of the situation,  but somehow nothing works. As of now, the only thing I can do is just ride it out.

While I’m on the topic, I also want to touch on the fact that some people use the term “panic attack” so loosely when they are nervous or even anxious. If you read my experience with panic attacks above, you would know why I am very sensitive to and a little offended by that. By just slinging the term around loosely without actually experiencing a true attack, it cheapens real attacks. What I’m trying to say is that if everyone uses this term in casual passing, it makes it to where when people have an actual panic attack, they are taken less seriously. Panic attacks are real, they are extremely frightening, and they are not to be taken lightly.

In closing, I just wanted to share my experience with anxiety/panic and maybe give someone some symptoms to look out for. I think this may have been more of an update on my life rather than a helpful post with guidance and wise words. Again, I have been hesitant to write this and make this public, but I think that it is an important topic to discuss. I like to be as open as I can with this because that is when you learn the most about a person’s soul, when they are 100% raw and unfiltered. I don’t talk about this topic with anyone but my mom and one of my very good friends, so I am nervous to even share this, but I hope that someone takes something good from this. Thank you for spending a little bit of your day, or night, with me. So much love to you.

For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control. 2 Timothy 1:7

 

Dealing With Panic Attacks

Life Update/I Really Miss Blogging

Hi, long time no see! I like really, really, really miss blogging and just writing in general. I have been a terrible slacker for such a long time and I am sick of it!! I know this sounds super cliche but I really feel closer to God when I am actively blogging with a schedule. This blog is like bible journaling on steroids for me. I still am bible journaling/studying, but this platform allows me to really expand on the topics that I feel called to speak on and share those thoughts with whomever wants to read them.

I would love to say that my life has just been way too busy and that now it is slowing down and I can finally get back into blogging regularly — but that is not *entirely* true. My life has been a bit busier than usual. (i.e. moving into a brand new home that I love with my whole heart, starting a new 16 hour semester, and babysitting almost constantly) I’m settling into this new fast-paced normal, though, and I am trying to figure out a good schedule for blogging and just making time in my week to write and post. I love blogging SO MUCH and I genuinely miss it when I take a break. This break, though, was so ridiculous honestly. I feel embarrassed that its been that long since I’ve sat down and actually written my pure thoughts.

On top of being simply busy, I have also had a major case of writer’s block. Finding things/topics that inspire me enough to write a full-length (or what I consider to be full-length) blog post has been a challenge for me. I figure that by just forcing myself to sit down and write, something will come of it. Right? I sure hope so.

Anyways, this was just supposed to be a quick update/I’m back to writing blog post…. So with that, look forward to more blog posts, I look forward to writing them!!!! Get ready for a new and improved blog & while you’re here, go ahead and read some of my other posts. I will link my favs below just for you! Haha. Thank you for spending a little bit of your day, or night, with me.

My Top Favorite Blog Posts –

My Testimony/My “Finding Faith” Story

Should Wives Submit to Their Husbands?

To Anyone Waiting for Marriage

A Letter to My Future Husband

Life Update/I Really Miss Blogging

My Favorite Quotes + Why

I’m just going to quickly preface this by saying that these are not in order from my most to least favorite. I don’t think it really matters anyway. I just wanted to say that. LOL okay… I sincerely hope you enjoy.

  1. “Grow through what you go through” — I really, really love this quote (obviously, it made it on the list) I don’t know who said this, however, but I came across it on Pinterest and I have remembered it since. It’s pretty self explanatory and I just think its a good and easy thing to keep in mind through life.
  2. “I’m going to make everything around me beautiful – that will be my life.” – Elsie de Wolfe — This is so, so important to me. I truly believe that your quality of life depends on your outlook on your life you have and not on the conditions you are living in. To be happy and to live a beautiful life, you must first train yourself to make the situations that you are in beautiful in some way. Look at your life through new eyes and see the beauty in every detail of this world. Your life will improve, I promise. I speak from experience.
  3. “A mother who radiates self-love and self-acceptance actually vaccinates her daughter against low self esteem.” – Naomi Wolf — I came across this one on Pinterest and I was so moved by it. I completely and wholeheartedly believe that this is true. I think that we often forget that children watch us so that they know how to act/things to say/etc. For example, I am always surprised when parents are somehow shocked that their toddler learned a cuss word. We cannot preach one thing but practice another. I believe that a mother who loves and accepts herself will no doubt have a daughter who also loves and accepts herself, by learning from her mother. THIS IS SO IMPORTANT!!!
  4. “If you see something beautiful in someone, speak it.” – Ruthie Lindsey — Because who doesn’t love hearing nice things about themselves? My love language is words of affirmation, so this one definitely is close to my heart. I feel love most deeply through kind words, and that is how I express love. Along with that, you never know what someone is going through. You complimenting their hair may be the only kind thing they hear today. Just go for it. I don’t know of any sane person who got mad about someone speaking kind words to them. Plus, if you have a hard time with making friends in a new setting, this is a great conversation starter!
  5. “If you have good thoughts, they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.” – Roald Dahl — Sometimes I think I don’t have a favorite quote but this is definitely it. Or at least top 3. Not only the message, but the way he words it, as well, makes this a beautiful quote. It’s self-explanatory so I won’t elaborate, but I love, love, love this.
  6. “She was beautiful, but not like those girls in the magazines. She was beautiful, for the way she thought. She was beautiful, for the sparkle in her eyes when she talked about something she loved. She was beautiful, for her ability to make other people smile, even if she was sad. No, she wasn’t beautiful for something as temporary as her looks. She was beautiful, deep down to her soul. She is beautiful.” – F. Scott Fitzgerald — Again, self explanatory, but so incredibly beautiful. I pray that one day I am loved like this.

  7. “Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let the pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness.” – Kurt Vonnegut — Gorgeous. I think there is a mindset among people today that you must be hard and tough and that we have to build walls up around us to protect ourselves, but I could not disagree more. I think that we have to go through pain and sadness and remain vulnerable to truly experience life. If we continue to shield ourselves, we will never feel anything. I would rather feel pain ten times over than never know happiness for one second.

 

Thank you for spending a little bit of your day, or night, with me. xoxo

My Favorite Quotes + Why

Prose – How to Fall in Love with a Stranger

I have not written creatively and successfully in so long. Needless to say, I am incredibly proud of what I have written.

DISCLAIMER: This is not true. The events are purely fiction. I would also like to add that it’s pretty long. So… just saying.

I sincerely hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. Thank you for spending a little bit of your day, or night, with me.

 

 

How to Fall in Love with a Stranger

Day 1

He looked like somebody who you would meet in a used bookstore. Or, more like someone who the main character of a teen rom-com movie would meet in a used bookstore… he was too good looking to meet in real life. But I didn’t meet him in a bookstore. I met him at school in the hallway. Except I didn’t meet him.

Having not met him, I still felt like I knew him after one shared glance in the hallway. The first time I saw him, jazz music played in my head and I imagined what a life with him would entail. I imagined coffee breath kisses in the morning while we listened to the news playing in the background while getting dressed for work that day. I imagined ramen noodle nights on a big, fluffy couch while watching a few hours’ worth of bad reality television. I imagined bathing our dog together in the bathtub of our small first home (we would have a golden doodle). But once our paths had crossed, the moment was gone and my future was back to being as uncertain as life was before.

I could not get him out of my head for the rest of the day.

 

Day 2

Our glance in the hallway was longer today. Or maybe it just felt longer. I didn’t imagine a life with him again, at least I tried not to. He has green eyes, maybe hazel. The color is hard to tell from a distance and behind his Clark Kent-esque glasses. I will update when I learn more. I still can’t stop thinking about him.

 

Day 3

I was sitting at a table in the lounge in between classes and he sat next to me. We didn’t speak. I don’t know his name, but I think his favorite color is blue. His headphones, his phone case, and his backpack are all blue. Different shades, of course. He’s not a “matchy-matchy” kind of guy. At least, I don’t think he is.

Also, his eyes are definitely green.

 

Day 4

We met again at our table from yesterday. Today, I joined him at the table instead of him joining me. I thought of maybe saying “hello” but something inside of me convinced myself not to. I ended up regretting that later on. He studied his textbook so attentively. I can never study like that, I get distracted too easily.

He doesn’t seem like the type of person to speak to someone first. To make matters worse, I am not that type of person either. He left the table before I did and headed to his next class. I left a few minutes after.

I found myself talking to God about him, before catching myself and then feeling silly about it. I do not even know his name, yet somehow I feel as if I am supposed to know him. This is the kind of problem I talked to God about. Why have I become borderline obsessed with someone I know nothing about?

I also found that having a crush is the closest thing to torture that someone can inflict on themselves. Anything reminds me of him, especially jazz.

 

Days 5, 6, and 7

The weekend was my hope for escape. My plan was to pop myself with a rubber band that I would keep around my wrist every time I caught myself thinking about him. After a few hours I thought my hand would fall clean off my wrist. Needless to say, my plan was foiled quickly.

As if the rubber band dilemma wasn’t enough, I also saw him shopping at Target on Friday. He was buying shampoo, but I was able to flee the scene before he saw me. I ended up regretting not saying “hi” at that moment. I wasn’t shopping for anything specific, not unlike most Target runs I go on, so I left the store to avoid running into him again. I ended up regretting this, too.

The rest of my weekend was filled with family outings, all the while imagining what it would be like if he was there with us. I have got to stop.

 

Day 8

If I had to die at eighteen, I would like my cause of death to be this green eyed boy.

 

Day 9

This is how my brain feels: dkfajnfrincelkcmlad caildedoidmdjn cdcndlmfjfweln

akjenflflkemdoiwdjeidcmk cmjfnurnfekmfkmclm ckdoiejem  kl f;ao.

Do you know what I mean?

 

Day 10

I think I learned his name. I won’t say it out loud or even allow myself to think it. I am afraid that if I know his name, this becomes real. And real things, for me, do not work out. Another boy, I’m assuming someone he knows, walked up to our table today, looked at me, then looked at him and said “Hey, *insert name that I won’t allow myself to think here*, did you do the homework for English?” In response, *insert name that I won’t allow myself to think here* said “Yeah. It wasn’t too hard either, if you use your textbook.” His friend (I use this term loosely) nodded, said something along the lines of “Oh okay, thanks man,” and walked away. Today was the first time I heard his voice. I want this to be the voice I wake up to and go to sleep to for the rest of my life.

 

Day 11

Today was my last chance to build up enough courage to finally speak to him before another long and agony-filled weekend. (The word “agony” is, of course, used for dramatic emphasis. You must remember, you are reading the thoughts of a teenage girl.) I walked into the room that our table calls home and he was not there. I sat down, played on my phone, picked at my split ends, tried to study for my test next week, all to no avail. He never showed up. I suddenly felt incredibly silly for feeling like I was stood-up in some way. I am over-reacting. Someone please give me a chill pill.

 

Days 12, 13, and 14

My weekend was average. No notes to add.

 

Day 15

Somehow, on this day, I convinced myself to skip all three classes. No updates on *insert name that I won’t allow myself to think here*. Regularly scheduled programming will resume on Tuesday, or whenever I feel like going to class next.

 

Day 16

Oh, what a day this one was. I hope you brought your popcorn because this one is a good one.

I walked into the lounge, and my hopes were not as high anymore. I began to feel more at-ease, less pressure to finally say something to this boy. I sat down at our table, and after a few minutes, he joined me. I looked up to greet him in our funny way of acting like the other doesn’t exist. This time, however, he smiled and said “Good morning”. I smile back and say “Hi”, but because it was the first word I said today, the word came out froggy and unclear. I clear my throat (very attractively, I’m sure… can you sense the sarcasm?) and I repeat myself. “Hi” I say again. At this point, I felt incredibly embarrassed, I pretended to study for a few minutes longer, and then I retreated to the bathroom until my next class. If there were a gold star to receive for speaking to strangers, I would not be a recipient, I can assure you.

 

Day 17

I did not go to the table today. I sat in my car until my class started, after a while I began to feel a little melodramatic about the whole situation. I decided that tomorrow I would talk to him. Let’s see how that goes, though.

 

Day 18

Okay, so I really did have big plans for today, I did. But… I chickened out. I didn’t say anything and neither did he. We are back to our regular “pretend like the other doesn’t exist” routine. Somehow, I find comfort in this. That’s a lie. I have been more nervous these past eighteen days than I have been in my entire eighteen years combined.

 

Days 19, 20, and 21

Surprise! My weekend was not noteworthy. Moving on.

 

Day 22

Today, I somehow mustered up enough confidence to smile at him before he sat down at our table. He, again, said “Good morning” and I actually said “Hi!” back and in a completely normal way. He said “Fancy seeing you here” and I didn’t catch his sarcasm at first because I was so caught up in the fact that we were actually acknowledging that the other existed. I lightly laughed once I caught the joke, followed by a “yeah”. Next time I see a shooting star, I’m wishing to be a better conversation starter.

 

Day 23

This morning, I actually said “Good morning” to him first. He quickly responded with “I feel like if we’re going to have a really quiet before-class meeting every morning, I should know your name.” I told him my name. He said “Well hello, my name is *insert name that I won’t allow myself to think here*”, except he didn’t actually say all of that, he actually told me his real name. It’s a nice name. Too bad I won’t allow myself to think it.

 

Day 24

Wednesdays are just hard in general. It was harder because I slept in and missed my first class, i.e. missed our “really quiet before-class meeting” too. I missed him in general, as well.

 

Day 25

This morning, I walked into the lounge and he was already sitting at our table with two coffees. As I approached the table, he said “Hey, I got you this coffee. I’d like to talk to you in less of an obligatorily polite way today, if that’s okay with you.” I nodded and sat down. I took a teeny tiny sip of the coffee he handed me. This felt a lot more like a dream than real life. In real life, this doesn’t happen to me. I remind myself that we have spent quite a few mornings at this table and that if he wasn’t, in some way, interested in me, he would have sat at one of the other twenty tables in the lounge. He looked at me while taking a long sip of his coffee before saying, “I don’t even like coffee. I just see you with it sometimes, so I thought it would be a nice gesture.” That made me want to laugh, but I held it in. I smiled a little and then said “And I suppose bringing one for yourself made it look like you didn’t just try and drug me by just bringing me a coffee for no particular reason other than to “talk to me”.” This made him laugh. He had such a nice laugh. The kind of laugh that I would want to hear as much as possible. The kind of laugh that made we want to make him laugh again. He responded with, “So you see my dilemma.” I liked his choice of vocabulary, he sounded like an adult. I also liked how he phrased his sentences.

I liked so many things about him. I could go on for a mile.

 

Days 26, 27, and 28

Why do I even include weekends anymore? Again, uneventful.

 

Day 29

I already was having trouble believing that this was actually happening to me. I am not the kind of girl that boys want to talk to first. I don’t know what kind of girl I am, but I am certain that I am not that kind. At least, I didn’t think I was. Today, he met me at our table and said my name. I looked up from my phone, and he had a coffee with my name written on it and a Dr. Pepper bottle, for him, I assumed. He sat down, faced me, and quickly said “I found myself missing your company over the weekend. It seems I have fallen in love with a complete stranger. Are you busy after class today?”

Was this really happening? To me? This was exactly the kind of things that I dreamt of happening. I had no idea that this stuff really happened to people. I told him no, that I was not busy. He invited me to accompany him to a trip to Sonic for lunch and to walk around Target with him. I said “That sounds great. Not far from what I usually do after school anyway. I suppose it would be nice to have someone with me.” He laughed and said that he would meet me back at our table at 12:15. I could not wait.

Day 30

More to come.

Prose – How to Fall in Love with a Stranger